Three seasons in one week

Taupo, New Zealand

A definition of irony: "We've had no power because of the snow. I haven't even been able to run my freezers!" A farmer quoted on New Zealand's channel 3 news.

As we were leaving Rotorua we had been reliably informed that we would only get as far as Taupo, the next town. This didn't matter as we wanted to stop there but basically all roads south of Taupo had been closed because of heavy snowfall. We had no idea when we would be able to leave the town. We were hoping it wouldn't take too long to get those roads cleared.
Taupo is a town on the edge of New Zealand's largest lake making for a beautiful setting. It is also close to the countries first national park with it's volcanoes and stunning scenery, where Mordor was filmed in Lord of the Rings. So we really wanted to do one of the day walks there and take in the stunning scenery. This however was the first place where the weather stopped us from doing something. All the snow meant the track was closed and we wouldn't be able to do it. Such a shame as I am sure that a snow covered Mordor would have made an amazing sight.

Taupo was also a centre for other outdoor activities including bungy jumping. Mik decided he was going to do one. I have to say the location for the jump was beautiful. He would be jumping off of the end of a cantilevered platform 47 metres above a crystal clear river. I have to say it made me feel better that it was above water but it still didn't tempt me in the slightest. Off I went to the photo taking viewpoint and Mik headed off to get a big rope tied to his ankles! He looked quite calm but apparently he was, and I quote, "Sh*itting his pants" Still, off he leapt and I'd love to show you photos of him plummeting towards the river but unfortunately the camera didn't play ball and I missed him! Well that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. Sorry Mik.

Another popular activity was tandem skydiving and for reasons I can't recall I had decided that this was something I wanted to do. The decision to do it in Taupo was made not only because of the splendid view one would get on the way down but also because Taupo was the cheapest place in the country to do it. So it looked like the time had come. Some may suggest that flinging yourself out of the plane of the cheapest operator wouldn't be the wisest choice, but hey why spend a lot of money on something you're not sure you are going to enjoy.

We booked ourselves in before I could change my mind and when the time came the weather was perfect. Damn! I was most nervous in the motel room before we set off. Once we got there however we checked in and had to wait a while for our turn. I had thought this would make the nerves worse however we got to watch others landing after their jump and this seemed to reassure me that you could do it and survive! I was actually surprisingly calm as we kitted up, to be honest I don't think I really realised what I was about to do.

We were teamed up with a professional. The guy that was going to be pushing me out of the plane was called Andy G and had a leather hat complete with fake mohican, how reassuring!! He was great though and seemed to be very thorough doing up the straps and buckles, which I certainly appreciated! Mik was teamed up with a guy who had actually been working at the centre in Kent where Mik had done his first jump, and at the same time - small world and all that. So there were 6 of us jumping with our respective professionals and a few extra cameramen, all of whom had to cram into a rather small plane. I knew I didn't want to be the first out but ended up getting on the plane first therefore was going to be the last out - hmmm!

Off we set climbing to 12,000 feet. When we leveled off the door opened pretty quickly and I started to get a bit nervous. People were rapidly disappearing in front of my very eyes and it was a very surreal experience. The worst was obviously seeing Mik sat in the doorway of the plane one second and just gone the next. My guy was great though and did a good job of trying to distract me with songs, as far as I can remember, about gumboots!! The next thing I knew I was sat with my legs out of the plane with the wind whipping at them. They chose this point to make you pose for a photo! But I guess it is a good distraction. I just knew I couldn't look down or I wouldn't want to do it.

So that was that. Suddenly we were falling out of the plane and tumbling through the air. I hadn't expected to find myself upside down and this scared me somewhat. Soon enough we were the right way round and all I could see was the ground coming at me at an alarming rate, so I felt much better! You get tapped on the shoulder and have to put your arms out whilst trying to make a 'banana' shape with your body, i.e. feet up and bellies stuck out. I have absolutely no idea if I was doing this or not. I was just struggling to scream as the force of the air against your face makes it pretty difficult. You only freefall for 45 seconds (falling 7,000 feet in the process) but it actually felt like quite a while. Once the chute is released you slow right down and you can relax and enoy it. I could even see where I was. It was amazing, as we were the last out I had thought we would be able to see parachutes below us but most were already down. The whole experience only lasts about 6 minutes but in that time I got to steer the parachute and look out over the lake towards the mountains on the horizon. Fantastic.

I have to say that for someone who suffers from vertigo I thought I did very well! And I will definitely be doing it again. I have to say though that it's one thing to get pushed out of a plane with someone strapped to you, but quite another to throw yourself off a platform with just a rope attached to you so well done Mik.

For a bit of relaxation we headed to a local park where we first wandered round the geothermal areas and then hit the hot water stream. Having enjoyed the hot water beach so much we thought we'd try it again. And no need for spades! We found a natural pool complete with mini waterfall, and climbed in. It was a glorious and sunny day so no stripping off for Mik this time as the passers-by might have had a bit of a shock!

Napier, New Zealand

Luckily when it came time to leave Taupo the roads had been cleared and so we set off east for Napier on the coast. We found ourselves another lovely motel straight out of the 1970's complete with yellow formica kitchen surfaces! They are of course the cheaper motels but hey they throw in a pint of milk too so you can't complain! The town itself is famous for it's art deco buildings built after an earthquake practically destroyed the town in 1931. Once we had seen them and had visited a lonely dolphin we moved on.

Wellington, New Zealand

Arriving in the NZ capital of Wellington meant driving on motorway for the second time on the island! It is the capital afterall, but with a population of just 250,000 they don't exactly have UK style traffic problems! Their motorways are therefore very few and far between and are also very short pieces! It never ceases to amaze us just how few people actually live in New Zealand for it's size. It makes for magnificent views of unspoilt countryside and quiet roads as well as cities which aren't overcrowded. Nice.

We would be catching the boat across to the south island from here but also wanted to stay a day to visit Te Papa - the Museum of New Zealand. There was a Lord of the Rings exhibition on here which was excellent. They had costumes and weapons from the film and showed just how they made the hobbits etc look so much smaller than the others. The amount of work that went into the films is just staggering. We also took in a world news photographic exhibition but that was about it. Blimey I nearly forgot to mention the fish and chips! We found a place which did proper handcut chips instead of the frozen ones Mik had been complaining about. He, needless to say, was in heaven!

Cara

All Blacks, Goldilocks and the foul stench of hell

Coromandel Peninsula, North Island, NZ

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-Mark Twain


Auckland, Part II
After our trip around the Northlands, we made our way back to Auckland for a night before heading south. After arriving back in the city we drove straight to Eden Park where we managed to bag a couple of tickets to that evening's rugby test between the All Blacks and Ireland. The seats were uncovered and down near the pitch, but it wouldn't be a problem would it? After all, this was New Zealand in the middle of winter. I'm sure we'll be fine.

We checked ourselves into the same hotel we had stayed at during our previous visit and set off to watch the rugby. At the train station the platform was packed with black and green shirts and it was obvious that a few people had been on the sauce for quite a few hours already. There was a good party atmosphere despite the crappy weather but by the time we reached Eden Park the rain was torrential. I was wearing my new coat, which had officially been named Least Funky Jacket Ever Made, as it looked like a hippo's bladder with pockets. On the plus side, it was completely waterproof so the rain didn't prove to be much of a problem. Cara was in the same boat with her hippo's bladder and we both sat in the stands, nice and dry. Although the rain didn't let up for the entire match, we still had a great time watching a top quality game. Now we all know the kiwis are supposed to be fanatical about rugby, but I'm sorry to say New Zealand, the Irish fans were making most of the noise. Mind you, that might have been because half of the NZ fans around us left the stand to get out of the rain. Hmmmmmm, fanatical you say? After the match we walked back into the city. Two minutes after we left the stadium the rain stopped.

Coromandel Peninsula
From Auckland we drove down to the Coromandel Peninsula for a few days. We initially planned to spend a night in Thames at the base of the peninsula, but after driving around the town we realised the only entertainment to be found was watching teenagers overrev their cars on the local garage forecourt, so we decided to move on. After driving around the northern tip of the peninsula along the very scenic coastal road, we finally arrived in Whitianga. After a bit of research, we managed to bag ourselves a great little cottage with two bedrooms and a well stocked kitchen, and all for less than the local backpacker hostel wanted for a double room with a shared bathroom. It certainly pays to shop around in the quiet season, as most motels are fairly empty and happy to get any business, whereas a lot of the hostels get a steady stream of crusties all year round and rarely offer decent discounts. More importantly, we had Sky TV so we could watch the World Cup matches from the comfort of our own bed.

The next day we planned to visit Cathedral Cove and Hot Water Beach, which had both been recommended by friends and our guidebook, but when we woke up, it was hammering down with rain and we decided instead to take a drive up to a couple of waterfalls in the hills. The next morning it was still raining, so we decided to go anyway.

Cathedral Cove is a series of vast arches and tunnels worn into the limestone cliffs by the sea, and connected by a narrow strip of beach. Hot Water Beach is exactly that, a beach with hot water. Although the name Hot Water Beach refers to a fairly long stretch of sand, the hot water part is restricted to a small area, accessed only at low tide, where water heated underground seeps out of the sand. Small shovels can be hired from a café near the beach, and you can dig a hole in the sand, which fills up with the hot water and you have your very own hot tub on the beach. Sounds like fun, but I wasn't convinced this would be the best time of year to try it. The tide would not be far enough out until after dark and it was not the warmest day to start with.
We drove down to Hot Water Beach on the way to Cathedral Cove, as we would need to hire a shovel for later and the café would be closed long before the tide went out. We secured our shovel for a few dollars and promised to leave it outside their backdoor before we left. They were clearly not expecting many people to show up in this weather. From there we drove on to Cathedral Cove car park, which was a half hour walk down to the cove itself. The rain was still coming down but we took the walk anyway. After all, I had The Least Funky Coat Ever Made, and that would keep me warm and dry in any weather. The Cove was fairly impressive, but quite frankly the weather was not helping anybody except the fish and by the time we made it back to the car we were cold, wet and hungry.

Late in the afternoon we drove back toward hot water beach. The weather was taking a turn for the worse and the wind was gale force, but we had already spent $4 on a shovel so there was no way we were giving up. The tide wouldn't be out far enough until after sunset, so we would just have to sit and wait. With every minute that passed, the wind blew harder, the rain fell heavier and the temperature dropped faster than a squirrel tied to a house brick.

As the last of the sunlight drained out of the sky, we prepared to go down onto the beach. I changed into my shorts and peeled off my shoes and socks. Cara was wearing her bikini under her clothes and wisely decided to keep everything on until after we had dug the pool. We both made our way down onto the beach and ran as fast as we could to where the hot water seeped out of the sand, four hundred metres away. Down on the sand the wind was howling in off the sea, and we had both almost lost all sensation in our feet by the time we reached our goal. We could see steam rising off the sand and we started to dig with our small shovel. I stood in the hole and shovelled out the hot sand as fast as I could as the wind whipped around us. The plan was to dig out a small pool for us to sit in and keep warm before we froze solid, but our first attempt was off the mark. As the pool filled with the hot water seeping out of the ground, my feet became warmer and warmer, until eventually the pool was too hot to stand in. Strike one. I moved a bit further down the beach and started digging again. This time the water was too cold. Strike two. Apart from being bloody freezing, I was starting to feel like Goldilocks working her way through the porridge. On the third attempt we struck baby bear's porridge. Well, actually we struck geothermally heated sea water, but you gather my inference. It was just right.

We both took it turns digging until we had a pool big enough to sit in. By this time the weather was atrocious and I was getting cold feet about stripping off and jumping in. Actually, what I was more concerned about was getting out of the water and turning into a snow man. Cara had no such concerns and whipped off her clothes and dived in. It was just like laying in a hot bath, she said. I just stood in the pool to keep my feet warm and left it at that, until my woolly hat blew off the top of my head and was almost gone into the night forever, before I finally caught up with it way down the beach. The steam rising off the pool was looking very inviting but I was even more concerned about making it back to the car after we got out of the water. The dilemma was finally resolved by my male ego. I am a full-blooded Lancastrian male and could I really let myself be outdone by an Essex girl? Actually, I probably could if I thought for a second that Cara would ever let me live it down.

Oh well, I thought. If I was going to do it, it should be done properly. Off came the raincoat and the fleece. I took a look around to make sure we were alone then off came the shorts. It was bloody freezing, and the cold was only slightly less pleasant than having my nether regions sandblasted by a howling wind on a dark, remote, beach in the back-end of nowhere. I jumped into the pool (it was actually more like a large puddle) and the difference was incredible. It really is like sitting in a very hot bath. Imagine sitting in your tub at home, while somebody sprays you with a cold shower and throws sand in your face and you'll have some idea of what I'm talking about. It was fantastic and I could have stayed there forever, but sooner or later we had to get out. And what an experience that was. Unpleasant, would be the kindest way to describe it. After drying off as best we could with a towel and pulling on our clothes, we ran for the car park. On the way back we passed a couple who must have been very surprised to see a large, hairy, naked man briefly lit up against the cold night sky by our camera flashes, as we recorded the event for posterity. The things you see on the beach. Back at the car the engine went on and the heater was ratcheted up to hot and crispy. We had a hilarious time on the beach but neither of us are eager to repeat that mad dash back to the car again. Not flattering weather at all, and we have the pictures to prove it.

Although by now it was getting quite late, we decided to treat ourselves and cook a large roast for dinner. For the first time in our entire trip, we had an oven, and it would be a crime not to use it. We bought everything we needed once back in Whitianga and that night Cara and I enjoyed a roast chicken with stuffing, roasted and mashed potatoes, half a gallon of gravy, and some vegetables for Cara. What luxury, our first roast dinner in fourteen months.

The next morning we set off for Rotorua and there was not a single cloud in the sky. Bloody weather.

Rotorua
In central North Island, and about four hours drive from Whitianga, Rotorua is famous for smelling like freeze-dried vomit. Oh, and there are also some thermal springs, geysers and other assorted geothermal activities, but the sickly, egg sandwich, have you farted smell is it's main claim to fame. I quite liked the town, as it is possibly the only place in the world where I can take off my socks in public and nobody will notice. And you can also buy a large pizza for two quid, which is ideal for crashing out on the bed and watching the football highlights. We stayed here for a few days, walking around the lake and visiting the thermal springs and mud pools etc. Daytime activity wasn't too strenuous as we were getting up at three or seven O'clock in the morning to watch some of the World Cup matches and we didn't want to strain ourselves. The weather wasn't too great either so we rarely strayed far from home. From Rotorua we moved south to Taupo where hopefully things would get a little more exciting.

Mik

Fish & chips and cider - home from home

Auckland & Bay of Islands, New Zealand

We arrived in Auckland on a Friday afternoon having left Rarotonga on Thursday morning. This was of course as we had crossed the international dateline. The flight itself was only about 4 hours but we had lost a day (but gained a days budget!) and had gone from being 11 hours behind the UK to 11 hours ahead. Bizarre.

Landing in Auckland was exciting but also cold! We were looking forward to exploring New Zealand but it was also their winter! This meant that after 5 whole months of summerwear we had to dig out what winter woolies we had. Having done this we quickly realised we would have need to get some proper stuff. What a great excuse to go shopping! Much time was spent perusing the empty shopping streets of Auckland, we couldn't work out where everyone was, but I guess with a population of 1.2mil Auckland isn't exactly a massive city, and they obviously don't consider Saturday a serious shopping day! Anyway, Mik eventually decided which coat he wanted to buy and we could concentrate on other activities!!

Like finding out what food was on offer! There was sushi galore, which was a real treat for me, hundreds of Chinese restaurants due to the large Asian community in Auckland AND most importantly (for Mik at least) fish and chip shops. One night we treated ourselves to a meal in a Brazilian restaurant. It had been so fantastic in Rio we couldn't resist. It was great, as much meat off the skewer as we could eat but it cost us a day's budget! I think that was a bit of a wake up call for us, we wouldn't be eating out much during our time in NZ.

The weather did come as a bit of a shock but part of me found it a nice change - go figure! Not the rain though, and the first afternoon there it was raining. We headed out with our umbrella, unfortunately it was also extremely windy and before we knew it our high quality umbrella, bought on the streets of Bolivia, was destroyed. Great! Not even an umbrella could have helped us the following day as we wandered around the city being soaked by horizontal rain, quite impressive! This was of course also before we had stocked up on decent waterproofs.

Our activities were further hindered the next day by a power cut. We lost power at 8.30am and when one is in a city you don't really expect it to last long so we set out for the shops hoping it would be back on by the time we got there. Yeah right! The power cut lasted nearly the whole day in most parts of Auckland. The whole city had gone down and as such many businesses had closed up for the day and gone home (to rescue the food in their freezers no doubt!) So we wandered the empty streets not able to book a hire car or buy anything. The most annoying part was that there wasn't much to be had by way of food either, in fact it was 4pm and the electricity had just come back on before we got some food - fish and chips by the way!

We had arrived in Auckland on the first day of the World Cup and as such made it our mission to find somewhere where they were going to show the England game the following day. Being 10 hours ahead of Germany wasn't going to make this an easy task as games were going to be at 1, 4 or 7am in the morning our time! Luckily the first England game was at 1am and we found a pub (serving pints of ale and cider - result!) which was showing it. We went earlier the same evening to watch the rugby and even though New Zealand had been playing there were actually about 3 times as many people watching the footie which made for a good atmosphere - despite England's poor performance. It was even better in that they don't allow smoking in pubs anymore, so there were many people watching the game through the windows, fag in hand!

Having sussed out the campervan and car rental deals we eventually decided to go for the car. I had really wanted to try and campervan at least for a few days but it was so wet and cold, and as we got a good offer on a 4x4 we went with that. This would also probably come in very handy when we reached the South Island as they had just had highest snowfall for 14 years - that could prove interesting! So after the winter clothes had been bought and the car hired, off we headed. The motorway out of the city only lasted until the skyline was out of view then became your average A road. Apparently they don't have much motorway at all, anywhere, but then with a mere 4 million people living in the entire country I guess they don't need them.

Our first stop was the Bay of Islands to the north east of Auckland where we were hoping for less rain! The area is beautiful and the lack of motorways made for a really enjoyable drive. We explored the bay and one of the islands by getting a boat across and luckily it was a beautiful day (well the morning at least). The weather appears to be very changable here! As we are visiting in the off season (could it be the rain putting people off?) there weren't many people out and about here either. In fact the largest number of people we saw in one place was when we got up at 6.30am to go to one of the local bars which was showing the footie and doing a breakfast special! The fry up was enough to tempt me up that early to watch football!

We also visited the Waitangi National Reserve covering the site where the treaty between New Zealand and Britain was signed back in 1832 making NZ a British colony. Then we decided to head further north to Ninety Mile beach, so called because.....well actually we don't know as the beach isn't actually quite that long. The locals obviously decided that 82 mile beach didn't have the same ring to it! We saw a very small section of the stunningly wild beach as the weather was closing in and we decided it we wouldn't drive the length of it. Instead we headed back south, crossed a river by ferry and stopped in a small harbour town for the night. We spotted a B&B sign and were really glad we checked it out as we ended up getting a whole 2 bed cottage to ourselves. It was the biggest place we had stayed in and even though it was just for one night we really enjoyed having a lounge and separate bedroom. Real luxury.

We had intended to set off early the following morning but as it was chucking it down we had a lie in ('cos we don't get many of those!)! The plan was to head into the Waipoua Kauri Forest and go for a walk to check out the famous indigenous trees. We reached the parking area at the start of the trail on vapour and after a chat to some guys who were travelling in the opposite direction we realised we would have to go back the way we came to fill up! Having done this and come back to the forest the rains came down and we abandoned the idea of a walk. We took a quick detour to see just one of the trees then headed back to Auckland. If we got there in time, and there were tickets left, we wanted to go see the All Blacks play Ireland at rugby. Fingers crossed as I don't think seeing a tree qualifies as an overly productive day!!

Cara

What the hell is going on?

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Our first few dys in Auckland and this happens. It makes you want to jump back on the plane and go back to the beach.

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/12062006/325/power-blackout-causes-chaos-nz-s-biggest-city.html

Sharks, crabs, badgers and one angry octopus!

Rarotonga, Cook Islands, South Pacific

From Mexico City we were heading off to the Cook Islands for a few weeks. Yet more beaches to be sat upon, but this time on a South Pacific island (variety is the spice of life, after all). Everything went fairly smoothly at the airport, although we both had all our bags opened up and thoroughly searched. The poor fellow charged with the task even had to put his hand into my laundry bag where I was keeping my primary pair of underpants (As it was May, I was wearing my secondary pair). I don't know how much he gets paid to do that job, but it is probably not enough. True to form, he then pulled out our (full) can of mozzy repellent. Here we go again, I thought. He held it up and read the label, which obviously was in Spanish.
"Is it flammable?" he asked, staring at the large flammable materials symbol on the can.
"No" I said, feeling a bit too glib.
"Oh, okay" says he, putting the can back in my bag. Whoever says honesty is the best policy never spent all night scratching ugly red lumps and swatting blindly at unseen buzzing noises.

To get to the Cook Islands, we had to transit through Los Angeles international airport. This was

the second occasion I've passed through this airport and I can safely say that on each occasion the experience was only slightly more pleasurable than driving a red-hot javelin through each eyeball with a lump hammer. That's all that will be said on the matter. The flights themselves were fine and we arrived in sunny Rarotonga, the main island of the Cook group, a bit jet lagged but happy to be moving onto the next phase of our trip after spending the previous 7 months in South and Central America. We were finally back in the English speaking world. I could stop pretending I spoke Spanish, and everybody else could stop pretending they understood me. Apparently, holding a conversation with me in Spanish has been likened to communicating with a dolphin, except with more clicks and whistles and only a few less fishy smells.

For a change we had arranged some accommodation in advance, if only for the convenience of getting collected from the airport and shuttled to our room. The main island of Rarotonga is only thirty one kilometres in circumference, with one main road around the whole coastline, and our first room was at a hostel on the south east corner. They could only give us a room for three nights and after that we would have to find somewhere else to stay. We hired a moped for a week to get around and spent the next day riding around the whole island, checking out all the beaches and looking for somewhere else to stay. Moped hire here is fairly cheap and by far the easiest way to get around the island. I was just disappointed that they didn't make me take the Cook Islands driving test, which usually involves riding around the car park with a bored policeman watching you. Providing you don't fall off the bike too many times and nobody gets killed, you pass the test and collect your license. I didn't hear of anybody ever failing the test, and we saw plenty of people falling off their bikes. After that, our time was consumed with sitting on the beach and trying to unwind from all the previous beach sitting we had done. In one unfortunate incident, Cara and I were walking down the beach, taking in the sights and generally having a relaxed time of it, when we spotted a couple sunbathing in the sand. Nothing unusual there, except the guy, who was possibly the hairiest human being I have ever seen, was wearing a thong. A thong for God's Sake. It was like watching a couple of badgers arguing over a piece of string. Rules should be made and laws should be enforced about this sort of thing. I'll carry that mental scar with me to my grave.

Our next stop was at an enormous apartment on the west coast of the island. It was a major budget buster but we had our own kitchen, lounge, bathroom and the sunset views across the road were truly incredible. Just a few minutes moped ride along the coast we also had a fantastic stretch of beach which was always completely deserted apart from the two of us. The beaches here are great, with the white sand, clear turquoise waters and the tall coconut palms required by every tropical paradise. This is where we met Steve, the hermit crab. I called him Steve because he looked just like Steve Buscemi, the actor, except without the facial tics and squeaky voice. Steve liked to have his picture taken and would often take a stroll across my towel when I had the camera out.

A few days later, Cara and I went out for our first day's diving. The entire island is surrounded by a shallow lagoon bounded by a thick, fringing reef. Outside the reef, the seabed drops off dramatically to over a thousand metres, with some enormous coral pinnacles and vertical walls. The sea temperature rarely drops below twenty eight degrees Celsius and average visibility is around thirty to forty metres, excellent conditions for scuba diving. Unfortunately, the once pristine coral is now almost completely gone thanks to recent cyclones and an infestation of crown of thorns starfish, which can consume whole reefs in just over 12 minutes, give or take a few months. The diving was still pretty good though, and we did a few great sites. Our first dive there was outside the southern reef. We took a rib through a narrow channel in the reef, dived down the dead coral wall and into a small cave. The tide was going out and the current was extremely strong. After a few minutes frantic finning we were reduced to pulling ourselves along the bottom using our hands. After some exhausting clambering over the rocks, we came out into a long narrow channel in the lagoon reef to see dozens of big reef sharks circling above us. The current was so strong now we were barely hanging on by our fingertips, and a few times some of us would lose our grip and go tumbling backwards through the channel before finding another fingerhold and pulling ourselves back. We began to wedge ourselves into whatever nooks we could find in the rocks to find some protection from the current sweeping through the channel. All around us sharks drifted by on the current before flicking their tails to send them back over our heads. In the excitement, I had lost track of where Cara was and looked around to see where she had wedged herself. I saw her sitting on the sea bottom twenty feet in front of everybody else, with big sharks circling just a few feet above her head. That's my girl, I thought. I inched my way over to her, one rock at a time. At one point I was pushed off the rocks and had to kick as hard as I could just to get back to the sea floor. We spent the rest of the dive just sitting there, wedged in the rocks and watching the sharks, rays and other fish circle around us in the currents. By the time we made it back to the boat everybody was exhausted and out of air. It was a hell of a difficult first dive but well worth it. None of the other dives quite matched the enjoyment of that first one but we enjoyed them all, although Cara missed out on a few thanks to her injuries, but more of that later. The snorkelling in the shallow lagoon was as good as the diving and oftentimes better. There was still plenty of live coral in the shallows and Cara and I would hover over small outcrops and watch a couple of big octopus changing colour. There was also every kind of reef fish in abundance and at one point I almost swam straight into the biggest moray eel I have ever seen. It's body was as thick as my chest and when it bared it's teeth and shook it's head at me I decided to make myself scarce and look for another octopus to play with. When I found one, I thought I would hang around for a while and just watch, but the octopus had other ideas squirted a bit splodge of octopus crap at me. There's friendly for you.

Now, I've not always been the friendly, good-natured, laidback fellow I know you all think I am. Sometimes in the past, I have done things I have lived to regret, such as pausing that split second too long when Cara has asked me what I think of her new shoes, and other such atrocities. Some of my past misdeeds may even be considered unforgivable, like the whole sorry episode in the eighties with the espadrilles and the Don Johnson jackets. But you will be pleased to know that my Karma finally caught up with me in the Cook Islands and I was punished for all my past sins. That's right folks, we went to the cinema to see The Da Vinci Code. And if you ask me, the punishment didn't fit the crime. With hindsight, I think I can safely say that I would happily remove my own cerebellum with an ice-cream scoop and kick it around a football field for ninety minutes rather than go through that ordeal again. It was, at least, all for a good cause as the screening was a special fundraising event. The good cause in question was, however, to raise cash for some local kid to fly to New Zealand to train as a competitive weight lifter. So I sat through all that bollocks so some knucklehead could pick up heavy lumps of metal? Glad we could help. On the ride back to our apartment, Cara got something in her eye, so we pulled over to the side of the road and I took a look. I gave it a quick glance and couldn't see anything. When we made it back to the room, Cara took a look in the bathroom mirror and found a very upset grasshopper cowering under her eyelid. This should tell you everything you will ever need to know about my powers of observation.

Cara completed her bout of physical misfortune the next afternoon when we were at the supermarket. Getting onto the moped, she caught the outside of her leg on the exhaust pipe of the bike next to ours. It was only for the briefest second, but it burnt the skin quite badly and she made her discomfort quite vocal, using a combination of expletives that even I had never considered using together. I took a look at the burn and told her it was nothing, dismissing the issue with the complete lack of interest that all men have for other people's ailments. It was quite a nasty burn though, and kept Cara out of the water for most of the second week on the island. She wasn't too happy about having a bandaged leg on the beach either, and I won't even mention what the scar has done to the all-over tan. On the bright side, we will soon be shivering in New Zealand, so we can put on long trousers again and cover up those unsightly tan lines.

Other highlights included eating the biggest T-bone steak the world has ever seen in a bar overlooking the sea. It was so big it wouldn't fit on the plate and they had to cut it in half and stack one piece on top of the other. In the same bar we met a couple of old blokes who were in the middle of a two year round-the-world sailing trip in their own yacht, and they both came from Leyland, which is my home town in Lancashire. I'd even met one of the guys before about fifteen years ago. Small world indeed. We had an excellent time on Rarotonga and although we were both eager to move onto New Zealand, it was difficult leaving the island. The culture on the islands is heavily influenced by New Zealand and you can get all the creature comforts imported from there , except in a beautiful South Pacific environment (although for some reason they only sold Australian beer, which I have found to be the closest approximation yet to a cold can of piss!). Imagine eating fish 'n' chips on a Bounty advert beach and you'll get some idea of what I'm talking about.

Mik